74 insightful thoughts

  1. that toaster and its effects on that piece of bread looks shit, a bit like the effect of having that shitty aero style theme and general crap shi7e design of explorer and vis7a does on my display.. lucky I don’t have to see or use that shit much.

  2. Of course there would be the BTOD, Black Toast of Death, where the toast never pops up, just sits in the toaster
    and burns to a cinder.

  3. This is based on the 20 year old Video Toaster ideas for the Amiga! I know it was for video, but they got the idea from the toaster idea…

  4. Of course, if you try using the third-party Wonderbread, you’ll experience some compatibility issues and have to get some updated drivers off the baker’s website because the built-in driver installer on Windows Update never works. Then by the time you’ve installed the drivers, you’ll get BTOD (@Fox Mulder). Then the computer restarts and you have to use System restore to go back to when you were using Whole Wheat 2.0. After that, you’re inspired to buy the new Apple iBurn which, if purchased from July 15th to August 30th comes with a free Pocket iBurn that only accepts Apple-certified bagels and select breads.

  5. Okay, but how would a network of these things behave? Zombied toasters take over Manhatten?

    Wouldn’t the toaster have to authenticate with Microsoft before toasting bread and ejecting it?
    Would unauthenticated bread be carbonized? Or would the Toaster have to be returned to
    a licensed service agent to be cleared out and reset?
    Does MS Toaster require a server and user client license to use?
    It has a Start and Eject button. Where is the Abort, Retry, Cancel or Undo button?
    Yep, it’s a two button toaster…one wonders what Apple will do. (See update below)
    [ begin snark mode]
    In 201X (date not yet fixed) a spiffy new 3 button MS Toaster will be released, as MS Toaster XTC,
    sporting a 3D viewport so you can watch the logo shapes form! Plus it will have the ability to download images of your choice from MS Toaster Bing onto your toast. They claim it works onto an Linux DVDs.
    It will have a USB 3 port. However, the only permitted images will be authenticated, licensed ones.
    And still, no Undo button. MS Researchers are working on the Undo problem.. MS Wormhole technology
    isn’t yet stable enough for production use, but appears to offer a ray of hope on the horizon.

    Perhaps a more appropriate MS-appliance would be a clear plastic or glass popcorn popper,
    so you can watch all the kernel popping going on. Yeah, I know. It’d be offered in multiple versions.
    The Home MS Toaster version would add a dusting of butter-flavored salt, and feed output into a
    user-supplied 750 ml bowl.
    Pro MS Toaster would add liquid margerine and salt, and bag it in multiple serving size options.
    Ultimate version would add real butter, salt, and optional carmel, bag or box it, and prepare multiple
    copies, er, servings.

    So, MS Toaster might be sort of geeky, chubby, pocket projecter and glasses wearing geeky tool,
    but wait until you see the thin, sexy, tan Blachberry MacMuffins (TM) popping out of a hot iCooker (TM).
    The iCooker (TM) can bake a croissant or bagel or muffin, with the flavors you want, gluten-free,
    and in whatever 3-D shape is desired. Plus it can be imprinted with colors via FDA approved iFood
    Coloring and the iTopper (TM) accessory adds your choice of icings, butter, jam, or any semi-fluids
    desired, just pour into an iCondiment vessel and attach an appropriate sized nozzle. After 20 ms
    of viscousity calculations to calibrate, it’s primed and ready to go!
    The ICook’s 3D feature is really something. Imagine munching on a croissant baked into the shape of an
    Boeing 727 or, via the optional iScan3D unit your favorite scultpured bust, and (imagine business uses)
    any standand DWG format file. Yep, you can do a GingerBread house in the shape of Pentagon!
    Large scale recipes may require post assembly, but just follow the voice instructions in any language
    you select. Blow your friends minds as they see your Cookie Cathedral with Sistene Chapel frescos,
    or your HMS Beagle Tea Cake. Holiday meals will never be the same again. Rumors of Larry Flint
    investing seed money in this technology are not yet confirmed.

    Download additional iCook (TM) recipe programs for the ICooker from the iCook website.
    iCook Recipe Download software works with iPhone, Mac PCs and laptops, and supports
    bluetooth interfaces.. Windows software downloader version is available but not all features
    are guaranteed to work. A Linux version was just found on SorceryForge which features the
    ability to imprint the infamous MSFT ‘Halloween memo’ using melted mozerella cheese on
    pizza bread or as icing on 11 x 13 sheetcakes. Anyway, iCookIt recipes can be download via
    iRecipies. Public domain recipes will be free, but you can expect to pay 99 cents to $9.99 for
    the incredible array of copyrighted recipes by famous chefs from all 7 continents.

    Weight-Watchers will be a key content partner, produce Mini-Me portions and frequency controls.
    Oprah has been black-box testing a proto-type and thinks it’s the best thing since sliced cake.
    She says the gluten-free fudge-flavored brownie with soy stevia cocoa fudge icing is tasty, even
    without the added twinge of guilt from indulging in pure unbridled decadence. Depok Chopra agrees
    and will include helpful affirmations for the icing toppings.

    The optional iJuicer is in beta-carotine testing now.

    Rumors of the iBrewTap appear to be true, but the prototype engineer was recently found despondent
    and incoherent after failing to find a way to emblazen their logo in the head of foam. The engineer
    had complained the Q/A team wasn’t waiting sufficient time after IBrewTap brewed and dispensed the
    beverage. An inside source indicates the Q/A team claimed to be more accurately following the behavior
    the marketing team predicted. Use case arguments have ended with a search for a faster technology.
    HP is offering their fastest ink-jet technology to fix this, except now HP’s terms indicate they want in,
    to get a a nice slice of the iPie.

    Well, the future is sure starting to look rosey as technology surges forward, seeking to anticipate our
    needs and needs we haven’t even identified yet, and help us all live better through harnessing electrons
    for the power of good, prosperity, and the Chino-American dream.
    [end snark mode]

  6. They offset the flags to avoid infringment lawsuits of the other guy’s system which they were too proud to purchase.

Leave a Reply