The fairest and most definite browser comparison

Browser wars
I think I have the answer to the question of life. “Which browser is the best?” The people have asked for a truly unbiased and objective review. And I’m here to serve them one.

After extensive testing in my specially design laboratory, performing statistical analysis with supercomputers and extremely white-haired scientists, and plotting mind-blowing 3D pie charts with multi-sampled anti-aliasing and anisotropic filtering, I have concluded the best browser in the world is,


The browser you’re using without Javascript on some operating system I can’t detect

Congratulations on your superiority using the best web browser existing today.

46 insightful thoughts

  1. Well, I hope this is a joke review because if you’re serious, you are wayyyy off the mark on this one.

    In fact, I’m typing this to you using Firefox 2.0 on OSX and if it weren’t for me being on a company design computer I wouldn’t be using OSX…or Firefox! Why?

    Everyday, whenever Firefox is open (never when it isn’t), my G5 freezes up. Not the little, “Oh, just wait 10 seconds and the app will close”, NO, the “I’m telling you in 8 languages gray box that your computing time is up buddy, right here, right now.

    If it’s not that screen of death it’s a death by column of what looks like memory codes (ex. 1010101x10101xE) running down the left side of my screen (I’m not a programmer). Either way, I’m screwed.

    Firefox 1 sucked and so does 2. It’s marginally better than Safari and is more compatible with sites, which is why I use it – HERE.

    However, let me move onto OTHER areas where Firefox 2 Mac disappoints.

    Anti-Aliasing: I know it’s an OSX think and I know it’s all the rage (even for Microsoft) but anti-aliasing everything is NOT cool. On many, many screens, smoothed text is actually HARDER to read (especially tiny type as seen on PDAs, cellphones, etc.)! Not only that, but smoothing everything uses up wayyy too much CPU power.

    Speed: Firefox is slow. It always has been. I’m not talking turtle-slow, but it is definately a lot slower than IE (IE on PC…not Mac…hahaha). On a Mac you have the added pleasure of dealing with the stupid spinning umbrella for EVERYTHING even if you have 1 GB RAM and a speedy processor. It’s just slow.

    Site Compatibility: It may view more sites than Safari but it still can’t view ALL sites like IE. I don’t care if you hate IE, it was the standard for years and years and I don’t see why the web has to change to accomodate the what, 10-15% of users who have FF also (notice I didn’t say use FF exclusively, just ‘have it’). I actually know people who use Macs but STILL have to use Mac IE to use certain sites, even now.

    Plug-Ins: Now maybe I’m not a FF expert…but before I started at my job people had installed these FF “fast download” plugins that allowed the user to pause, restart, etc. downloads. Fine. But it also replaced the easy “Save As…” right-click functionality with this cumbersome “utility” so I said, “No more.” Well, here I am, MONTHS after I “disabled/deleted” the plugin and my “Save As…” functionality STILL doesn’t work EVEN THOUGH I’ve upgraded to FF 2.0 since. Hmmm, why is it that I can’t get a fresh install of this stupid browser!?! Maybe it’s a Mac thing but I HATE, HATE, HATE FF when I have to download stuff.

    Conclusion:
    IE 7 may not be perfect, but it’s wayyyyyyyyyyy far ahead of the competition. It’s built into the OS (fast), compatible w/ almost every site imaginable and is just as secure as Firefox, in my opinion (just avoid porn/warez/fake emails sites and you’re all set).

    Screw you Firefox. And double-screw you Mac OSX.

    I hate my job. ;)

    BTW – How is an 18 yr. old so savvy at graphic design, computer web page design, article writing w/ clever comments, a sophomore in college and so connected w/ other people’s tech blogs? I’m not saying you’re NOT LEGIT, I’m just saying that it’s awfully strange that you’re so good in so many different fields, for being so young. If you are real, that’s cool.

    But if you’re actually a team of writers and Microsoft people made to be a “Pro-M$” independent site, just shoot me an email, fess up and put my mind at ease. I promise, I won’t tell anyone. I know you have the power to silence me. ;)

  2. Har har har…I get it, the “winner” changes based on what Browser you view it in.

    Guess the joke is on me.

    Anyways, my review of the awful FF 2.0 still stands.

    And once again, I don’t think you’re a real person — just a product of M$ marketing folks.

  3. No, not necessarily, it’s just….extremely uncommon for someone so young to be fairly design savvy AND technically literate AND be a good writer AND stay up to date on a wide range of topics AND be going to college AND be a second year college student AND doing a double major AND to be a foreigner (no offense, but your English writing is better than most Americans’!) AND you always get your hands on exclusive freebies to give away AND the list could go on and on.

    Now I could be wrong, I have been wrong before on mnay things…

    But something just seems….fishy. I can’t put my finger on it, but either your whole life goes into this site Long and you’re a talented jack of all trades OR there are multiple contributors working on this place.

  4. Okay, now this really doens’t add up. This is a little odd, yes I know…but things DON’T seem right: Follow me (if this doesn’t ‘mysteriously’ get deleted).

    This ’18 year old’ loves to use words like “Whilst, Confer & Inquire” in his About me page. What 18 yr. old do you know talks like that – in person or while writing? I’m sure many other oddball words are stuck in his posts but I’m not going into those.

    Second, his ‘About Me’ page says that he was born in April of 1988, right? It also says that he “moved to Australia from China in 1997, when I was 8 years old”. So I’m no math genius…but even if he moved BEFORE April of ’97, he would be 9 years old. For someone who is so tech savvy and detail focused, why didn’t he catch that? Hmmm….

    Third, go to Whois (http://www.networksolutions.com/whois/). This domain was made on April 13, 2006. Okay, first, his name & address is nowhere to be found…well, that’s okay…but why pay extra to hide your info if you post it on your site? Right??? That’s a little suspicious. So anyways, if this website is so carefully updated and checked, why isn’t his age showing him to be 19 now? I know, it could be a slipup but it’s just odd.

    There’s just a ton of these little things all over the site.

    Finally, go to: istartedsomethingamazing.com

    Hmmm, ANOTHER Pro M$ site that features the exact same name and is designed and made by a regular joe (jane) who seems to be started and talented and absolutely loves all things M$ to death? Hmmm, uncanny similarities, wouldn’t you all agree?
    Oh, and it was registered in ’05….

    I enjoy the content but I don’t like feeling like I’m reading the words of a phony.

    So Long, if you exist. How about some proof? A pic or two of you? A syllabus from one of your classes? Anything?

    A curious reader…

  5. lol…

    “Second, his ‘About Me’ page says that he was born in April of 1988, right? It also says that he “moved to Australia from China in 1997, when I was 8 years old”. So I’m no math genius…but even if he moved BEFORE April of ‘97, he would be 9 years old.”

    Well, no actually he’d still be 8 before April :-) (ie. he turned 8 in 1996 so before April 97 he’s still 8)

    You were right about one thing… “So I’m no math genius” :-D

  6. First, let me say my math was off…slightly, but not completely. I think I started counting at ’87 instead of ’88 (I was thinking of ’97) so that explains that. Eh, there’s still a 66% chance he moved after April when he was ’9′ but I’ll leave this at that. :P

    Anyways…

    Still hasn’t addressed the rather “grown up” vocabulary or odd whois info…or the similar M$ site.

    BUT….

    …after seeing the pic and then going to emotum.com & checking them out…I suppose this guy could be legit – in that I mean he does exist. It’s not any proof that he is ’18′ or that he doesn’t have contributers/writers/whatever helping him out…

    But for now, I’ll let this go.

    And ‘Gaylord’ I don’t have any problem with M$ – I like them much more than Apple…but I just have a hard time with that old saying “If it sounds too good to be true…”

    I’ve known phony writers and creative people before. As a professional designer, it just irks me when people pull shady stuff. But enough about this! Adios!

  7. lol

    Well ive upgraded to FF 2.0 have to say not that impressed where as the new IE has lots of new fetcher many catching up with FF, 2.0 there ant that many changes i guess this is as Microsoft now own FF, don’t want them getting to good. But FF 2.0 on OS X is by far the safest and most reliable way to browse the web.

    Chris

  8. @Scott C: I go to university with Long. I can safely tell you that he’s 18, he works for Emotum and that in fact he is real and not a figment of my imagination or anyone else’s. Would you rather he use words such as ‘like’ and ‘super’ instead of the language he does use? Scott, people have thought what you have thought before, however, there is no conspiracy!

  9. @Scott C: Also, I use FF2 on my PC and can safely say that I don’t get lockup’s or anything with Firefox. Maybe the reason you get your lockups is because you…I dunno…use a G5? Anyway, if it does lockup there’s a nifty little feature to recover your open sites next time you start Firefox (unless that was removed for the Mac version). Also, I’m not sure what you’re getting at with Firefox being slow. I actually find that Firefox loads sites faster than IE7 does more often than not. The only area where Firefox is slower is loading Firefox from a cold start-up (that is when I’ve just started my computer, IE7 is faster to load up than Firefox – only by about 1 second though).

    My main criticism of IE7 is the interface though. Who had the bright idea to move the home button to a completely different place to the refresh and stop, and why are the buttons so small? And tabs and the search bar? C’mon Microsoft…at least try and be innovative. Don’t ask me how to be innovative, that’s your job. The UI is just confusing.

    Don’t get me wrong. I use both browsers. But I really prefer Firefox 2 and only used IE7 to view ActiveX controlled sports replays. But now that I’ve got a plugin for that on Firefox, IE7 is living the lonely life I’m sorry (not really) to say.

  10. Long nice one, I try to “trick” the script, but I can’t, soo sweet, it changes on the browser I’m using, I prefer Firefox for it’s easy to use, I use Internet Explorer for scripting HTML testing, but on using each browser, IE7, IE5 FF1.5 or what ever it changes! Damn you is all I can say, so in your opinion Long, what’s your preferred browser?

    Better yet, my school’s browser suck…

  11. It’s a good thing when the younger generation puts more effort into speaking well.

    When I was about his age, I too spoke very well compared to my peers. Too many people today lazily omit common modes of speech to instead be fast and easy to input. Long speaks on a level showing a firm grasp of the English language. This enables him to clearly and coherently convey thoughts and information to the broadest group of readers. It’s a nice place to be when you can worry more about WHAT you say rather than HOW you say it.

    -Erik

  12. hte bset prat baout ff2 is th at it hsa speellchek!
    I rarrly spill thungs wrung nemore!

    Haha just kidding:)
    SpellCheck is kinda cool! I hadn’t noticed it at first but now its like :O!

    @ Scott…
    I believe that Long Zheng is real… This is because I write my own little tiny blog, nowhere near as awesome as Longs… but it’s just for a couple friends and everything, I keep up to date with tech, I am working on my web design skills, I am going to school every day… If it’s Long’s favorite hobby, and he loves blogging, he could definitely blog all this stuff, why not just let him be?
    and I think that script is hilarious, I find it hilarious that anyone fell for the trick that the ‘best browser’ changes depending on what browser and operating system you use!

    Although… I used IETab in Firefox! and was able to trick it, kind of:)

    Mitch

  13. @Scott C: Everyone else including yourself kind of answered all your questions. You can believe whatever you want to believe, I don’t have any hard evidence to suggest either way. But if you believe the standard of this blog is higher than what you would expect from someone with my profiles, then I’ll take that as a compliment. ;)

  14. Eh, partially jealous, partially curious. That’s cool that you are indeed so talented AND so young.

    I used to be like you *man years ago*

    My advice Long if you want to stay good at all things you hold dear….avoid dating for as long as possible! :)

  15. “The browser you’re using without Javascript on some operating system I can’t detect”

    Not everyone takes the trouble to go to your site when they can watch it in BlogLine :)

  16. Well, at least Scott is honest and he explains why he thought Long Zheng wasn’t ‘real’. It’s obvious now that he’s not one of those ‘Apple good – Microsoft evil’ type of guys.

  17. You can’t blame Scott C not beliveing you exist when you completely undermined his faith in the everything with a little Javascript; some of the stuff on the Internet ain’t true? Who knew?!

    I of course didn’t fall for it for a second and the fact that I was viewing with IE’s javascript disabled RSS reader is neither here nor there. ;)

  18. ROFL, I turned off javascript on FF2, :P

    “The browser you’re using without Javascript on some operating system I can’t detect
    Congratulations on your superiority using the best web browser existing today.”
    Thanks Long!

  19. Does the answer to this post change depending on the browser you’re using? Ive gotten at least 3 different browser results at the end of this article before.

  20. @mike – yes it does…i was at school and they have IE6 (which sucks) but when i was at home it was labeled as IE7 (which i use), but i had posted a screenshot of my IE7 (thinking i was oh so l337) and i come to find out im a fool…

  21. Long – Wanna be a linkbaiter like “Mary Jo Foley” or “John Dvorak” for a week? Try this: Create a site that examines the client browser header and simply maps the “best browser” as whatever the browser’s competition is. Then let the fanbois go to town.

    Of course the downside of this’ll be that you’ll be Slashdotted & Dugg to hell. But the upside might be that ‘wanna-be’ popularity sites like Technorati & Blogshares will rank you higher. Whee!

  22. i came back to this entry now that im on flock to see if you it was included in this…but i guess its actually run on the ff1.5 source? i think ill stick with my opera…or not…oh dear god now im all confuzled…

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